I’m not a marriage counselor nor a professional therapist , I pride myself on personal study personal observation and personal understanding, I focus on my comprehension and understanding of language. and the definitions of the words being used. The Talking point of Marriage I’ve covered before and I will cover again, because its primarily important to society today.
Today I came across something that boiled my blood, it took the last bit of good held about marriage I had left, when I read it I thought of the disparity between sexes that are afforded to those whom would use it due to selfish manners or intentions. so I’m going to repost it, then explain why I’m offended by it and its societal view of marriage !
From http://www.facebook.com/black.women.who.want.more ( facebook page of Black women who want more )
Today’s Diamond Dilemma: My husband and I have been together for 5 years. We have a small child. He is a professional with an Advanced Professional Degree. We live on one stable income, I am self-employed. OK….he quit his job and decided to PURSUE a dream of being an Artist !!!! He stays home and paints all day, and now wants to rent a studio. He is good, but we have NO money coming in consistently. I resent it. We are broke most of the time. Its hurting our marriage. I want to leave ! How can you support..a man who can work, but won’t in pursuit of a dream. We can’t eat a dream, pay mortgage with a dream…or dream the lights on. Signed “wife who enjoys heat, lights and food”
Now I frequently read these Diamond Dilemma, its a great look into the mind of Todays Black women. I don’t take these questions from one women and apply it to all, that’s not possible nor is it accurate ———– but its relevant to the whole picture of thought, collective/shared thought. so ill try to explain my views on the single and the collective thought process that would lead to this question and apparent thought of Divorce
once you make the statement MY HUSBAND, you imply, you made the same vows to each other that every other married in America persons makes. to love honor and obey , thru sickness and in health till death due you part, this is the standard traditional marriage vows or obligations. in making the statement MY HUSBAND you imply you know the rules.
” We Live on a Stable income, I am self employed.”
Income Stability in the African American community is golden, something to be proud of , its a sign of progress back from the fall of the 80’s. To be Self employed and still able to bring in a Stable income actually makes you even better suited to be successful in modern society , these are great qualities for anyone to possess any culture any Peoples this is what life is supposed to be.
SO NOW I FEEL THE QUESTION GETS CRAZY !
“ OK….he quit his job and decided to PURSUE a dream of being an Artist !!!! He stays home and paints all day, and now wants to rent a studio”
Maybe im Far off but how many Black men do you know for sure can quit a job to pursue a dream in art ? how many black men you know can quit a Job ? with that said this is a man who is accomplished she says he has an advanced degree , which means he qualified in his field and can go back if the industry is still valuable. I have to assume that he originally explained his dream to his wife enough to where she felt comfort at first to let him pursue what she felt he had some talents in. she had to have agreed with the original idea to allow him to just quit including with a child at home. The mere fact that he wanted to rent an extra studio means he’s trying to manifest all his ideas and dreams. Marriage is suppose to be like this give and take together you rise as a unit helping to keep pushing each other up and obligated to the vows,
He is good, but we have NO money coming in consistently. I resent it. We are broke most of the time. Its hurting our marriage. I want to leave !
For Richer or Poorer , no wait scratch that I know for a fact that I read that the money was Stable even with her being Self-Employed. that either makes no sense or her concept of broke may not be the concept that majority of broke people feel is accurate, a house and mortgage is not something Broke people understand. quitting a job is not something a broke person would do. It seems this women Married for security , not security in love but security in money, and this is why she is regretting or resenting her choice of letting her HUSBAND pursue his dream. most people in pursuit of their dreams are happy, they want to go further do more expand. How can the marriage of a man who wants to expand his Dream be hurting ? Simple its not the man with the problem but the women. Take it I do hold him responsible for keeping his women content but given passion and pursuit of a dream some priorities get put to the side, but only when comfort is available. the fact that she wants to leave is really putting a stain on marriage. This is not the Extreme of negative situations and can be fixed simply but he would have to know of the problem.
How can you support..a man who can work, but won’t in pursuit of a dream. We can’t eat a dream, pay mortgage with a dream…or dream the lights on. Signed “wife who enjoys heat, lights and food”
Deep sigh, as this part right here makes absolutely no sense to me, including with 70% African American women un-married. possibly because my concept of marriage or a relationship as it stands today is to support my mate as they support me, we share in this world a unity we have a bond to each other that says we will rise from any down together even if we have to change something we stand together in that change for the benefit of what we intend to or already have established preferably children. it hurts to know that the condition for this woman’s support was placed on the idea of support thru finance. she stood with this man as he worked and they established stability but she cannot shoulder the burden alone, I agree but something tells me from this short paragraph she is not explaining the full scope of the story or her part.
To me this just seemed all kinds of wrong. its a sign of where marriage is going what marriage means in todays world , I don’t marry you for you I marry you for me and when you don’t suit me any longer I must leave . Selfish and its exactly what this society teaches to think about yourself even after you made a choice to thin about someone else , its about leaving when you can’t take the struggle its about not sticking it out . and personally I really want nothing to do with it anymore. this can’t be right or the way things are suppose to be somewhere along the line marriage was corrupted , so was the idea of relationships , unity , sex , responsibilities , ideals , culture , legacy , economy , society and Civilization .